BRIAN McDermott explained to a packed sports centre in Ross that he was brought up in Slough and football was the life blood of where he lived and its why he became of footballer.

Brian said that he made his debut for Arsenal at the age of 17 in 1979, but says he always felt he wasn’t good enough and added: “I felt like an imposter. I was never a person, I was a football player, known by the community as Brian, the footballer.

“However, I realise now that my mental health problems started at a much younger age. I was always trying to get validation from my Dad for my efforts, but he always refused.

“He told me after one game, at which I had played badly, that if I were to do that again, he wouldn’t come and watch me in future.

“In 1971, as a ten-year-old, I was at Queen’s Park Rangers where I’d reached out to one of coaches and told him, ‘I didn’t feel good in myself’. He said in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t allowed to feel that way.

“He told me to keep those type of thoughts to myself. I then vowed to myself that I should never tell anybody my feelings.”

At the age of 18 Brian was persuaded to play for England, but after eight months he felt he had made a massive mistake by not signing for Ireland as both his parents were Irish.

Brian then admitted he had an alcohol addition, which began at the age of 18.

“Every time I picked up a drink, I couldn’t stop,” Brian said. “Drinking for me was my solution to all my problems.

“I was incredibly nervous and shy away from being in large groups, which is no good if you are playing in front of thousands of people. Nobody, apart from my wife Sarah, knew I had a drink problem.

“When I played for Arsenal in a match against Liverpool in 1980, I was presented with an open goal. My head was telling me that I was going to miss, and because I had time to think, this is exactly what happened. I got drunk later that evening.”

Brian said his career looks alright on paper, but he never felt it was good enough ,and added: “From the outset I always felt like an imposter. My coping mechanism for this prolonged sense of self doubt was turning to alcohol. Nobody within the football community knew.

“Everything about my life looks amazing from the outside, but inside I had a washing machine head. My wife told me there was three people in our marriage, me, you and alcohol.”

In 2011 Brian was appointed as the manager of Championship side Reading, and led them to the play-off finals at Wembley against Swansea. “If we got promoted into the Premier League, I would feel so much better about myself,” Brian thought to himself.

“Everything would change, and I wouldn’t need validation from anyone, and I won’t feel like an imposter anymore.

“But Reading lost 4-2. I got drunk again and began reflecting on everything my Dad had previously said to me.

“I’d just lost Reading £100million. I was continually drunk for three months. I said nothing to anybody, apart from my wife.

“The next season I would go into training full of anxiety, angst and depression, and fearful that I would get found out about my drink problem.

“My ego was massive, but my self-esteem was a low as it could be. When the players went out onto the pitch to warm up, I was in the changing room on my own, rocking like a child – nobody knew.

“I had good staff around me, but nobody appreciated that I was struggling mentally.”

Brian then spoke about one of the greatest seasons in the club’s history, which despite a slow start, Reading went on to win 15 games out of 17 at the end of 2011/12 season to win the Championship title.

During this time John Madejski was the club’s owner, and was in the process of selling the club to a Russian.

Mr Madejski and Brian travelled to Milan to complete the deal with Anton Zingarevich. After 12 beers, Brian told the new owner that the club needed a new striker and if his request was granted, he predicted that Reading would win the league.

A club-wide meeting was held in January on Brian’s return where they analysed the fixtures for the rest of the season and worked out, they could easily win 16 games out of the remaining 19 fixtures.

Brian quipped: “After the meeting we were all celebrating as we had won the league.”

The word ‘promotion’ was banned during this era while Reading methodically climbed the table to the top of the league.

Brian revealed: “We did it one day at a time, one game at a time. We didn’t look into the future. This is what success looks like when we won the title.

“However, I was not living the moment as I got extremely drunk that evening, again looking for validation.

“It was supposed to be the greatest moment in my career. I woke up the next day. I didn’t feel any different. I’d got money, eight blue suits and a loving family, but nothing was enough.”

In January the following season Reading did reasonably well enabling Brian to win the Premier League manager of the month award - only to be sacked four months later.

Brian was then appointed to the managerial role at Leeds United, but this period up north, was when he states he went completely off the rails.

A few years later Brian reached out to his wife on February 15, 2015 and asked her to help him deal with his alcohol addiction. “I can’t do this anymore,” Brian said to her.

“She put her arms around me and made the necessary calls so that I could get professional help. I’ve not had a drink since that day,” a comment which received a big round of applause.

Brian concluded: “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. I have a community of people that I reach out to if I find I am struggling mentally. The beauty of all this is that I now live in the moment.

“I don’t care anymore what people think of me. I’m not Brian the footballer anymore. I have a supportive family, and my wife has stood by me for the past 40 years.

“Having stopped drinking, I can now sleep peacefully, play golf and always be in the moment in whatever I’m doing.

“It’s an absolute game changer for my well-being. I still take it one day at a time, but I now listen to people and help where I can.”